Baby Steps, Grasshopper, Baby Steps

I have been thinking about gratitude for awhile.  It is strangely one of the remarkable ways that has helped me pull myself out of darkness sometimes.  It takes time and it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen.  And it is a must.

I had to pause there for a moment.  I'm almost laughing as I sat down to write another form of gratitude, but apparently, my typing fingers had another idea that must be written first.  I'm going to go with the flow...

Back to my intro ~ I know it must sound odd to think of being grateful in times of such heartache, but it does work.  It helps to start to create a new pattern, or a new format as you adjust to your "new normal."  This can be a lot easier said than done, but this is where I'd remind myself, "baby steps, grasshopper, baby steps."

One of the biggest challenges when our lives have been turned upside down, is to find something positive, anything positive to hold onto.  After the initial shock, and I don't really remember how long this lasted, but after that wore off, I remember being really positive for awhile... until for some reason some people decided I was living in la-la land, and felt I needed a rude awakening, and took it upon themselves to make sure I truly understood my circumstances.  Of course, I did! My positivity was very important to me.  I felt it would have a huge impact on the outcome of our scenario.  Besides,  I had not only myself to think about, but Doug too, as well as our relationship, and it felt like I was carrying a whole load of other people to top it off.  I look back at that time and realize how vital being positive was to our circumstances.  Needless to say, my bubble was burst, my flame snuffed, and it has taken me all of the last four years to continue to put the pieces back together.  I'm not blaming anyone.  My bubble would have burst at some point anyway, that's just the nature of grief.  I wonder sometimes if my flame being snuffed out would've felt more gentle if it had happened on its own, rather than by force.  Who knows, all I can say is, it didn't feel very nice and I didn't appreciate it.

How does one find the positive in a negative situation? How or where does one start?

There are several ways, but I'm not going to lie.  It takes time.   And that time varies for everyone and relies on various factors, but one of the biggies is patience.  Be patient with yourself.  (This hasn't been one of my strong points). You will have good days and you will have bad days.  Your "bad" days aren't bad, they are what they are and it is part of your process.  And no, you aren't backsliding, even if it feels like it.  You have unravelled another part of your healing process.  It just isn't fun to go through, but if you sit with it, you will pass this part of the process more speedily.  And let me tell you from experience, the longer, the harder I held onto things, or tried working it out, making sense of things, whatever it was, it took me way longer to be able to move forward.  So be nice to yourself and let yourself be where you are.

Another great way to help you move forward ~ is gratitude.  I don't know if I'll ever go as far as to say, I'm grateful that the accident happened.  But I can now say, that there are so many positive things that came from it, and I found a way to be grateful in life in a whole new way.  I thought I was grateful before, but I guess this took it to a whole new dimension.  How did I get here? Baby steps, grasshopper, baby steps.

First ~ Get Back to Basics ~
I know this may seem ridiculous ~ but it really works.  The basics.  Food.  Shelter.  People you love.
Those are really our primary needs, or some would say "primal."  When our most basic needs are being met, and we notice this, we can feel so rich.  Warm food in our bellies, a warm/cool roof over our heads, water, and to be with people we love and who love us back.  Everything else is really just the chocolate fudge sauce on top of your favorite ice cream.

So, make a list to say at night in your head when you go to bed.  Start your day with a list.  Write it down and post it somewhere you'll see it on a daily basis.  Maybe you will just think of it as you come across it.  Like running water, hot showers, and pickles.  You get my drift.

Some days you may have a lot, and others, you may only have one.  And that is ok.  Sometimes, the only thing you may find to be grateful for, is that you made it through your day.  (And this really isn't a small feat).

Start Small ~
Yes, start small.  Think of one thing that you are grateful for.  Maybe it's your dog.  Maybe it's your parents.  Maybe it is a warm cup of coffee.  I discovered when I made a small list, and I did start with the basics, I found I had more and more to be grateful for.

Sooner rather than later, you will discover, you have a great deal to be thankful for.  It lifts your spirits and will continue to be one of your remedies to get you through the dark times.  And when the sun finally shines upon you, you will value, appreciate, and be ever more thankful for what you have than you could possibly imagine.