If I Had My Life to Live Over

I often have difficulty sleeping.  I'm working on this ~ but tonight (or this morning) is the first time in a couple of weeks, so I'd say I'm making progress.  Sleep disturbances happen for many reasons, the after effects of trauma is definitely one of them.

 I don't really remember the time frame immediately post accident and leading up to the decision of Doug's case, but I suspect due to the emotional exhaustion and stress we were under, I must've been able to sleep.  During his time away, I couldn't sleep unless my roommate was home.  I was kind of scared of the neighborhood we lived in and even though we have an awesome dog, and we had some really great neighbors, it still freaked me out to be in the house at night, especially when Doug was gone.  Later in the year, I moved to a different location.  It still wasn't the best neighborhood but for whatever reason, I felt more secure.  It didn't take took long before I was asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow.... a mixture of stress, exhaustion, depression, and perhaps a desire to escape, rolled into one magical potion.  Though, I can't ever say that I ever felt refreshed and ready to go in the mornings.  I usually felt like I was 90 years old, my body hurt all over, and I felt like I hadn't slept a wink.

After Doug came home, for the most part, my sleeping patterns continued.  So alas, my story brings me here.  When there has been enough time that has passed, and if we allow it, a quietness comes, creating a space where we are allowed to heal, to think, to process, to grieve.  We are no longer distracted by the extra demands we may experience during such challenging times. And yet, our bodies still don't quite understand, we are no longer in "danger."  It can take some time for this to dissipate. Alas, difficulty sleeping.  Of course, there are several other reasons, why one might not be able to sleep, but that'll have to be for another day (or night).

Bringing me to my original point of my post, which really was that I couldn't sleep and I was thinking.. (yes, it could be a dangerous combination, I know)...  I kept thinking of this quote by Erma Bombeck.  My mother introduced me to her when I was in my early twenties and I was having issues with the "reality" of working full time and trying to keep up with my house the way I wanted to but wasn't succeeding. Or at least I thought I wasn't.  I almost laugh now at the "stress" that that caused me ~ boy, was I in for an eye opener years later.  I guess hindsight really is 20/20.  Anyway, when I had found out that Erma had passed, this quote was floating around the Internet.  I have thought of it from time to time and tonight, for some reason, it is well, kind of haunting me.  So, I thought I'd share.

If I Had My Life to Live Over

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for a day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over for dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa was faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would have never bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside of me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later.  Now go get washed up for dinner."  There would have been more, "I Love You's."  More, "I'm Sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it... live it and never given it back.  Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with.  And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.  I hope you all have a blessed day.

Beautiful Women's Month

Age 3:  She looks at herself and sees a Queen.

Age 8:  She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.

Age 15:  She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mum! I can't go to school looking like this!)

Age 20:  She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly," ~ but decides she's going out anyway.

Age 30:  She looks at herself and sees, "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly," ~ but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway.

Age 40:  She looks at herself and sees "clean" and goes out anyway.

Age 50:  She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.

Age 60:  She looks at herself and reminders herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore.  Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70:  She looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80:  Doesn't bother to look.  Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.

Written by Erma Bombeck